SENATORIAL NONSENSE

Our country is surely in a mess. Joblessness, collapsing stock market, people giving up on work and a political system seems designed for impasse. We elect people to resolve our problems, to reestablish a smoothly running society, if there was ever such a thing, or at least to make things better. Often, forces beyond control make the task quite difficult. Our economy is so tied to Europe that if they catch pneumonia we, at best catch cold. We are faced with competing economies; China, India and Brazil are moving up and even if most countries cannot join in that race, they can threaten us with atomic weapons and terror. Satchel Paige, that magnificent black pitcher said, “don't look back 'cause they might be gaining.”

Well, we better look back because they are gaining and we look to our leaders to work out solutions. For the most part bi-partisan solutions are not possible, but there is one situation that both sides, Democrat and Republican agree about: We must get to the bottom of the Secret Service absurdity.

You know what happened. Preparing for an Obama visit in Guatemala, the Secret service set up shop before he got there and reasonably so. They have to figure out the logistics of his visit and make suggestions to make their job of protecting him as viable as possible, and, that's what they did.

Keep in mind, their job is a tough one. While on duty they cannot goof off. If you watch them while the president is in public, they never stop scanning the crowd looking for any hint of danger. They remain prepared for action at any such hint and, so the story goes, are ready to take a bullet for the leader of the free world. If you like tension and stress, that's the job for you. And, they are men. Perhaps there are some women Secret Service agents, but don't figure in the story.

We all like to calm down, unwind, relax and have a bit of fun. Some do sports, some listen to music, some vacation, there are a variety of possibilities. Some, gasp, drink and consort with women. While waiting for the president to arrive in Guatemala, that's what some of them did. As best I know, three small groups with three or four men each went out for, what shall we call it, a night on the town, to paint the town red, to partay. Alas, one of them objected to the price of a prostitute's body and she, not at all cowed by their exalted status, publicly objected and voila, a scandal.

Based on the media uproar, one might think of a plot to kidnap the president, or to steal the Constitution or to set up a prostitution ring. One might think they babbled secrets, thus compromising the presidential visit. For fear of any of the above and other disasters, their rooms were swept for bugs, the implication evidently that the women were ready with such equipment. Can you imagine how many women, enemy agents with eavesdropping equipment it would have taken to cover all the possibilities? And, they set it up on the odd chance that some of the agents on that night would partay.

So, a Senatorial committee has held, perhaps is still holding, an investigation on how it happened and have knowledge without evidence that the event represents a culture of Secret Service wanton behavior. A number on the committee are convinced that such a culture exists and at least one of them said that such behavior was “immoral.” Quoting Charlie Brown, “Good grief.” Only a cartoon character could characterize the committee's zeal to legislatively fix everything. “Good grief.”

I'm not knowledgeable about what constitutes a breach of security; it is possible that the agent's behavior constituted such a breach. Surely, if so, the thing can be fixed by a few orders from the person in charge. What gets me is that the Senate, with real problems has, with a holier-than-thou attitude taken on the task. What emptiness in what they boast to be the greatest deliberative body in the world.

There are men, certainly not only the agents who act that way. I knew them in the army, and I knew them in college; if their behavior sends them to hell, well, that damned place must be over populated.

In trying to find relaxation

The agents produced much vexation

'cause they opened their doors

To invite in some whores

Unheard of in god's pure creation.